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Patsy: "no more men for me." ...advice: try women, lol (or marry me, part 8)

LONDON - Patsy won't dance to anyone else's tune.
Her hair is scraped back into a sweaty knot and her face is make-up free with the sheen of the exertion of six hours of intensive dance training.
Clad in a black puffa jacket and tracksuit bottoms, you would be hard pressed to even recognise the tiny blonde sitting in the corner of a North West London pub. Same situation for me, I understand, Patsy :).
But for Patsy Kensit, signing up for Strictly Come Dancing has been a joy — in a year where, as she admits, her private life lurched into a ‘shambles’.
‘This is the most terrifying thing I have ever done,’ she confides. ‘Every Saturday night, I turn to Robin, my dance partner, and say: “I’ve forgotten the routine”. I stand there frozen before we go out on the dancefloor and I spend the day feeling sick. Same situation for me, I understand, Patsy :). Noel would say: you're not cracking up, you're just getting older...
‘I’m standing backstage praying to St Jude — the patron saint of hopeless causes — and I can’t believe...’ her voice goes up an astonished octave... ‘that people are voting for us. I mean, there are so many better dancers than me on the show.
‘But,’ she says, ‘this is the best thing that could have happened to me. I recommend dancing to any woman who’s been through any kind of c**p.’
It is seven months since Patsy split from her fourth husband, DJ Jeremy Healy, after just one year of marriage. The mother-of-two is selling the North London house she bought with Healy and which she spent months decorating to become a home.
Instead, Patsy, 42, is living in a rented flat with her sons, James, 18, by former husband Jim Kerr, and 11-year-old Lennon by former husband Liam Gallagher.
And despite confessing that she wanted to retreat beneath her duvet following the disintegration of her fourth marriage, she’s delighted to be on what is arguably TV’s most gruelling talent show.
Millions have watched as the actress, visibly shaking and stumbling during her first performance, regained her confidence, culminating last Saturday when in a black wig and flapper dress she gave an alluring Chicago-esque rendition of the Charleston — and thwarted judge Craig Revel Horwood.
‘Patsy,’ drawled the panto dame of the BBC ballroom show, ‘towards the end, it started getting a little bit heavy and sluggish.’
‘I’m middle aged, darling,’ she hit back.
‘I am middle aged,’ she says smiling now, ‘There is only so much my body will do.’
Tomorrow, she and Robin Windsor are tackling a vigorous jive, so it is no surprise that Patsy, who put on two stone following her marriage breakdown, is looking petite again. ‘It’s always awkward to talk about weight,’ she admits ‘but I’ve gone down by two dress sizes.
‘The costume designers keep trying to make my dresses shorter, but I’m a mum and people are having dinner — we don’t want to turn them off. I’m covered in cellulite — women need to know that — I have it on my arms and legs, but it doesn’t matter.’ ...I don't have this :)
Gone, she reveals, are the days of Botox and beauty treatments. Fresh from a session with the chiropractor, an exhausted Patsy says: ‘There’s been no Botox —there’s no time.
Before the show went live, I was saying: “Look at my legs, they’re so hairy! They need a wax. And my eyebrows are bushy and need threading!” ...yeah! I understand this, my legs are quite hairy as well :)
‘But you have to leave your dignity at the door — all that goes. Then suddenly you’re in the world of Strictly: hairspray, glitter, long legs and taut bodies, it’s great fun.
‘I know I’ve seemed nervous, but it’s not an act. What I’m trying to do now is just go out there and enjoy it. The second week with the salsa I forgot a few steps, but it was the first time I simply let go.
‘I’d been coming in with my shoulders hunched and Robin’s been like my life coach as well as my dance partner.’
It is all a far cry from the actress who went to work on Holby City and wept in her dressing room as her marriage crumbled.
Friends said that Healy, 48, refused to go to counselling with his wife after a series of rows and instead left the family home in February to go to Paris fashion week and never came back (fucking Paris...Oasis know well that bloody place...). Patsy was left to pick up the pieces. She is now quietly preparing for a divorce.
Having been married three times before, to Dan Donovan of band Big Audio Dynamite, Jim Kerr, lead singer of Simple Minds, and Oasis star Liam Gallagher, she admits she was counting on this marriage to work and had made plans for her and Healy to retire to Sydney.
‘Deep down, I was crushed,’ says Patsy. ‘I didn’t think I’d be sitting here in this situation.’
Her nervous early performances on Strictly and clear desire to win the judges’ approval have made viewers wonder if she is basically a bit of a ‘needy’ woman. Can this be the reason her relationships have crashed and burned?
‘I play my part in things, I’m sure. I have done things wrong, there are two sides to every situation. Jeremy’s a great guy, it’s devastating it didn’t work and I wish him the best, but I’ve got my boys.’
Of Strictly, Patsy reveals: ‘Ann [Widdecombe] is my girl crush. We’ve bonded over our faith [they are both Catholics] and we both pray to St Jude. She has such spirit. I think Ann should be allowed to win. If people keep voting for her and love her, why not?’
As for any romance, there is a gleam in her eye as Patsy talks about the fledging relationship between Kara Tointon and her dance partner Artem Chigvintsev.
‘Robin and Artem share a flat, so I can’t say too much,’ she smiles, ‘but Kara and Artem make a lovely couple.’
Flaunting an enviable figure in a series of revealing outfits has won her new male fans, but Patsy flashes her blue eyes and says fervently: 'No more men. The only feelings I have now are maternal.'
Yeah! I understand this, no more men for me too ahahaha those fucking men...
Try an Italian!!
‘The other night when I got home, Lennon said: “Mummy, you kissed Len and you kissed Robin,” and I had to explain it wasn’t romantic!’
Facing life as a single mum again is something that does not worry her: ‘Even though my personal life is a shambles, what I’ve chosen to do is pull myself out of it,’ she confides.
‘It doesn’t scare me being a single mum, my boys’ dads are really involved and they couldn’t have been more supportive. And Nicole, Liam’s wife, has been lovely.’
Patsy confesses: ‘There is a whole myth that because I’m divorced from Jim and Liam, I got all this money. But it’s nonsense, absolute nonsense. My boys are really well looked after, but, like every other woman, I still have to work.
She pauses: ‘My boys will be fine, all I’ve done is shown them love and care — and I hope I get on with their girlfriends! I’m dying to be a grandmother.’

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Oasisblues copyright © 1994 - 2017

Beady Eye gigography and next tour dates

2000

30 May - Forum, Milan, Italy (the first "Noeless" gig since 1991 when he didn't join Oasis yet)

summer tour without Noel

2003

16 November - Andy Bell unplugged - Debaser, Stockholm, Sweden (bootleg)

2011


3rd & 4th March - Barrowland, Glasgow, Scotland +here and here + bootleg
6th & 7th March - O2 Apollo, Manchester +bootleg 1 +bootleg 2
9th & 10th March - Troxy, London +bootleg 1
13 March - Casino de Paris, Paris, france
14 March - E-Werk, Koln, Germany
16 March - Alcatraz, Milan, Italy +dvd bootleg
18 March - La Riviera, Madrid, Spain +bootleg
19 March - Bikini, Toulouse, france
21 March - Paradiso, Amsterdam, Holland (bootleg)
22 March - Ancienne Belgique, Brussels, Belgium (bootleg)
14 & 15 April - The Olympia Theatre, Dublin, Ireland here a bootleg image
17 April - Ulster Hall, Belfast, Northern Ireland
20 April - O2 Academy, Newcastle (a photo here)
23 April - Centre, Newport (photo and bootleg)
30 May - Grosse Freiheit 36, Hamburg, Germany
+a photo here + win tickets here
8 June - Saschall, Firenze, Italy +my story here +bootleg here +win tickets here
11th June - Papillons de Nuit Festival, Saint Lo, france
12 June - Isle of Wight festival +story here and here +interview here +videos here +interview and bootleg here
25th June - Theater of Living Art, Philadelphia, U.S.A.
30 June - Rock Werchter, Belgium (bootleg)
1 July - Main Square Festival, Arras, france +a photo here
7 July - BBK Live Festival, Bilbao, Spain
9 July - Oxegen Festival, Naas, Ireland
26 August - Reading Festival (win tickets) +videos here +review&video here +bootleg here
3 September - AX Hall, Seoul, South Korea
14 September - Twinkle Rock Festival, Taipei, Taiwan
7 October - Atlantico, Rome, Italy +main bootleg here +another bootleg here
+win the concert here
11 October - Volkshaus, Zurich, Switzerland (postponed)
13 October - Gasometer, Vienna, Austria (postponed)
31 October - Theater Caupolican, Santiago, Chile
2 November - Teatro de Verano Ramon Collazo, Montevideo, Uruguay
3 November - Teatro Colegiales, Buenos Aires, Argentina
4 November - Personal Festival, Buenos Aires, Argentina
5 November - Planeta Terra festival, Sao Paulo, Brazil
12 November - O2 Academy, Sheffield
14 November - O2 Academy, Birmingham
17 November - O2 Academy Brixton, London
2 December - The Warfield, San Francisco, U.S.A.
3 December - Wiltern Theatre, Los Angeles, U.S.A. +another complete review here +win tickets here and here
5 December - First Avenue, Minneapolis, U.S.A.
6 December - The Rave Ballroon, Milwaukee, U.S.A.
9 December - Terminal 5, New York, U.S.A.
10 December - House of Blues, Boston, U.S.A.

2012

new tour

2013

3 June - Abbey Road, London (acoustic) +bootleg here
7 June - McClusky's, Kingston (album launch acoustic gig)



8 November - Olympia Theatre, Dublin, Ireland

2014

Noel Gallagher solo gigography, and Low Lying Turds tour dates

(although his blinded fans say he's a "new solo artist", it's 20 years he's around and already played "solo" gigs previously (the first one in 1994), with the help of other people of course, as the Unplugged 1996, the gig for Tibet, the tour in 2006-2007, London, Milan, Manchester, Moscow, Los Angeles, Toronto, Paris, Australia, etc.)

2010


25 March - Royal Albert Hall - London

2011


28 November - Alcatraz - Milan, Italy + review here +video bootleg here +audio and video bootleg here

2012


lost interest... even Noel got bored of himself

10 April - Auditorio Banamex - Monterrey, Mexico (cancelled)

END OF THE HIGH FLYING BIRDS

2013

fans leave the gig again and ask for Liam again
..... € 10 = £ 8
 

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