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Oasis new book: a funny bible of quotes

 This new book, "Mad for it, the wit & wisdom of the brothers Gallagher" is precious as much as an Oasis cd, because it's the Gallaghers writing it, the Gospel according to our evangelists Saint Noel and Saint Liam, but not really saints, with all the funny things they have said about everything in two decades. And it's updated with the recent split and 2010 quotes. It's the best way to tell their whole story, because you're sure it's true, it's them speaking. So this book was necessary and different from all those about them, where usually you read point of views and stories you couldn't be sure they're invented or not. Besides, Oasis fans usually get bored of reading books :) but this is easy to read: it's that kind of book you always keep on your bedside table and open it sometimes to have a laugh.
The author, Paul Stokes ("Q", "NME", "Select" magazines) put it all together and told the facts around the quotes.
When you've read this book, you feel like you want to say more similar funny things :)
I'm sure you'd get a smile even from the people who dislike them, because Oasis are always so sincere (even too much). A "must-have" for every Oasis fan but not only, because they spoke about everything and everyone, about you too.

Here are some quotes:

"An advice for young musicians? Always wear a condom."
(Liam 1996)

"We've got a little Mancunian corner of north London. You'll have noticed, it's the area with no hubcaps on the cars."
(Noel 1997)

"Liam, of course, who is like a woman who's on a fucking permanent menstrual cycle all the time about everything, he's either way up in the clouds or way down in the gutter."
(Noel 2005)

"The thing about Liam and his hairdos is when he gets a new one you think 'That looks absolutely rubbish' then six weeks later everyone on Oxford Street has got one."
(Noel 2007)

"Mexican waves? I never got involved in all that, I don't even like it at gigs or anything like that, it shows that nothing is going on, on the pitch. At the snooker, I don't mind."
(Noel 2010)

"I don't see how the tabloids could get any worse for me unless they claimed I'd had anal sex with an alien. 'Liam Gallagher was caught last night bending an alien across a pool table and poking his bottom.' What more can they say about me?"
(Liam 1997)

This one's for Brian Cannon ahahaha (on learning Berwick Street, London, bears a plaque because it's on the cover of the same album) "Do you think people do the thing, walking down the street like they do at Abbedy Road? That would be fucking great wouldn't it? I wouldn't mind but it's such a fucking shit cover. It must be one of the most uninspired artworks for one of the biggest albums of all time. I'd like to think Japanese people do walk down that street in rush hour dodging black cabs."
(Noel 2007)

(one such b-side 'Acquiesce' even saw the Gallaghers dueting in 1996) "It [the title] was good because it confused Liam. 'What's a fucking acquiesce?' 'It's a new car by Volkswagen. Fucking great, you wanna get yourself one'."
(Noel 1998)

"I could put my professional hat on and I could say that it's really important to come and play for these people for the social aspect of Rock in Rio. Or I could be honest and say it's really fucking cold in England and it's really warm here."
(Noel 2002)

"If we weren't in a band, we'd be having rows in the house. If we had a greengrocers, Gallagher's Greengrocers, we'd argue over which way to set out the apples or pears."
(Liam 1995)

(on singing Noel's words) "I'm the singer and the only personal lyrics of his I'm singing is, 'I've got a 12-inch cock, d'ya want some?' I don't mind singing that."
(Liam 2002)

"I just wanted to be in a band and I wanted to tour the fucking world and I wanted to shag all the fucking birds and that was the end of it. I wanted to drink and get fucking pissed and off my tits and as high as I could possibly get. And be paid for it."
(Liam 2004)

(on sex) "Birds are all right. They're all pink on the inside. Any bird who's fit is all right, unless she's nicked or ugly and she speaks back to you. If she thinks I'm boss, then tumbs up. Chicks in Japan don't even ask your name, just 'Can I sleep with you tonight?' 'Certainly, my dear'. I like American birds till they open their mouths. Then they annoy me, but if they're fit, they're fit."
(Liam 1996)

(to Liam in 1994 after the band were deported from Holland after causing trouble on a cross-channel ferry) "If you're proud of getting thrown off ferries why don't you go and support West Ham and the fuck out of my band and go and be a football hooligan. We're musicians, right."
(Noel '94)

(on Pete Doherty) "I'm not into smackheads; smackheads need slaps."
(Liam 2005)
"I'll tell you what, he needs to wash his hands more."
(Noel 2005)

(on the White Stripes) "Jack White has just done a song for Coca-Cola. End of. He ceases to be in the club. And he looks like Zorro on doughnuts. He's supposed to be the poster boy for the alternative way of thinking ... I'm not having that, that's fucking wrong."
(Noel 2005)

"John Lennon would probably hate us, then again who gives a fuck? He's a Scouser."
(Liam 2000)

(on Paul Weller) "People think he's some deep god, but he's a moany old bastard. He's Victor Meldrew with a suntan."
(Noel 1995)

(on Keane) "Traditionally speaking, throughout the history of rock 'n' roll, the three biggest twats in any band are always the singer, the keyboard [player] and the drummer. You can't argue with that!"
(Noel 2005)

(on Florence+The Machine) "I'm not having anyone with ginger hair making music. I can't go down that road. I'm sure she's a nice girl but she sounds like someone has stood on her fucking foot."
(Liam 2010)

(on Robbie Williams) "A lot of people want to have sex with me, and he's at the fucking back of the list."
(Liam 2001)

(on U2) "Sing One, shut the fuck up about Africa."
(Noel 2007)

"I think the current prices [for albums] are ok what is it, £7.99 online? That's enough to keep my swimming pool full of mineral water."
(Noel 2008)

(by 2009 the brothers were only communicating via blogs and Twitter, despite touring together. The Roundhouse saw them making verbal sideswipes at each other onstage, which they then followed up online)

"Who knows, man, maybe he [Noel] needs to go and do his solo record ... it would sound very civilised I reckon. It's an awful thing, but maybe it's a good thing for him."
(Liam 2009)

and many more, hundreds of these.

The book will be published by Aurum Press, not expensive, £ 6.99, that's enough to keep their swimming pool full of mineral water.

links where you can now purchase this book:

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Oasisblues copyright © 1994 - 2017

Beady Eye gigography and next tour dates


30 May - Forum, Milan, Italy (the first "Noeless" gig since 1991 when he didn't join Oasis yet)

summer tour without Noel


16 November - Andy Bell unplugged - Debaser, Stockholm, Sweden (bootleg)


3rd & 4th March - Barrowland, Glasgow, Scotland +here and here + bootleg
6th & 7th March - O2 Apollo, Manchester +bootleg 1 +bootleg 2
9th & 10th March - Troxy, London +bootleg 1
13 March - Casino de Paris, Paris, france
14 March - E-Werk, Koln, Germany
16 March - Alcatraz, Milan, Italy +dvd bootleg
18 March - La Riviera, Madrid, Spain +bootleg
19 March - Bikini, Toulouse, france
21 March - Paradiso, Amsterdam, Holland (bootleg)
22 March - Ancienne Belgique, Brussels, Belgium (bootleg)
14 & 15 April - The Olympia Theatre, Dublin, Ireland here a bootleg image
17 April - Ulster Hall, Belfast, Northern Ireland
20 April - O2 Academy, Newcastle (a photo here)
23 April - Centre, Newport (photo and bootleg)
30 May - Grosse Freiheit 36, Hamburg, Germany
+a photo here + win tickets here
8 June - Saschall, Firenze, Italy +my story here +bootleg here +win tickets here
11th June - Papillons de Nuit Festival, Saint Lo, france
12 June - Isle of Wight festival +story here and here +interview here +videos here +interview and bootleg here
25th June - Theater of Living Art, Philadelphia, U.S.A.
30 June - Rock Werchter, Belgium (bootleg)
1 July - Main Square Festival, Arras, france +a photo here
7 July - BBK Live Festival, Bilbao, Spain
9 July - Oxegen Festival, Naas, Ireland
26 August - Reading Festival (win tickets) +videos here +review&video here +bootleg here
3 September - AX Hall, Seoul, South Korea
14 September - Twinkle Rock Festival, Taipei, Taiwan
7 October - Atlantico, Rome, Italy +main bootleg here +another bootleg here
+win the concert here
11 October - Volkshaus, Zurich, Switzerland (postponed)
13 October - Gasometer, Vienna, Austria (postponed)
31 October - Theater Caupolican, Santiago, Chile
2 November - Teatro de Verano Ramon Collazo, Montevideo, Uruguay
3 November - Teatro Colegiales, Buenos Aires, Argentina
4 November - Personal Festival, Buenos Aires, Argentina
5 November - Planeta Terra festival, Sao Paulo, Brazil
12 November - O2 Academy, Sheffield
14 November - O2 Academy, Birmingham
17 November - O2 Academy Brixton, London
2 December - The Warfield, San Francisco, U.S.A.
3 December - Wiltern Theatre, Los Angeles, U.S.A. +another complete review here +win tickets here and here
5 December - First Avenue, Minneapolis, U.S.A.
6 December - The Rave Ballroon, Milwaukee, U.S.A.
9 December - Terminal 5, New York, U.S.A.
10 December - House of Blues, Boston, U.S.A.


new tour


3 June - Abbey Road, London (acoustic) +bootleg here
7 June - McClusky's, Kingston (album launch acoustic gig)

8 November - Olympia Theatre, Dublin, Ireland


Noel Gallagher solo gigography, and Low Lying Turds tour dates

(although his blinded fans say he's a "new solo artist", it's 20 years he's around and already played "solo" gigs previously (the first one in 1994), with the help of other people of course, as the Unplugged 1996, the gig for Tibet, the tour in 2006-2007, London, Milan, Manchester, Moscow, Los Angeles, Toronto, Paris, Australia, etc.)


25 March - Royal Albert Hall - London


28 November - Alcatraz - Milan, Italy + review here +video bootleg here +audio and video bootleg here


lost interest... even Noel got bored of himself

10 April - Auditorio Banamex - Monterrey, Mexico (cancelled)



fans leave the gig again and ask for Liam again
..... € 10 = £ 8

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